Saturday, December 21, 2013

I'm not gonna lie...I lie

So I got pulled over today.  I lied to the officer and said I had no idea what the speed limit was.  I lied and said I don't usually go on this road.  She gave me a ticket but no points.  I looked at the ticket and there was my weight which I lied about.

Oddly enough I told the truth about why I was late to my professor who I was meeting, and proceeded to lie to her face about how I felt about my student teaching.  But then I had a second thought and went back to her office and told her the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  It just so happens that I've never felt freer! And the situation is better because of it.

But will I learn from this?

I've used Cliff notes and said I read it.  I've never cheated since the 7th grade, but I could be lying.

I'm a liar.

I'd like to know who among you isn't?

I mean come on, a little white lie here, a doozy there, and all of a sudden you are a liar.  I lie to my parents constantly because they can't handle the truth.  I lie to people here and there all the time. Some are lies of omission, some are straight up in your face untruths. 

I mean you've called in sick or told someone you couldn't make it for some made up reason.  I know you, you lie too.  And if you don't I applaud you, but I don't understand how you get by sometimes.

I mean I'm not pathological or anything.  Lying is not my language.

Maybe I'm lying to you, I mean how straight up am I really being here.  How much truth are you supposed to relay on a blog?  My friend once told me I should blog about removing my facial hair, and that's where I said I drew the line.  I mean I don't really want to go public about my facial hair removal process.  And here I am doing just that.  Get laser people, get laser.

Anyways, what is the truth?  What is your truth?  Are you speaking it?

I'm gonna answer that question with a yes and no.  There are times when I say what's on my mind, what's real to me, and what is my truth.  There are times I'm not true to myself, other people, and the "truth" at large. 

I've lied in relationships and they've usually gone sour because of it.  I'm not advocating lying here.
I'm just saying I can't live without it.  

The biggest lie though, is the one I'm telling myself.  Sometimes I hear myself thinking I'm a failure. I know it's a lie, or do I?  What else am I lying to myself about?  

There's sort of this big lie that has come up in my life recently.  I've only really shared the truth with a couple people, and I'm not telling anyone until the time is right, if ever.  It's about my life and me and goddamn it I want that shit to be private.

Does that make me a bad person if someone asks me about that situation and I lie to them?

I really don't know.

It's self protection, it's my life, it's not anyone's business.

But what does that make me?  A horrible human being?  An asshole?  What?

It makes me pretty regular I think.  But I always wanted to be more than normal.  Better than the average Joe Schmoe.  I try not to hurt people by lying, if that's any consolation.

I want to ideally be a person whose thought word and deed are aligned.  But I also like to cover my ass.  So there you have it, the truth about me.

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