Friday, December 20, 2013

Free Falling

It's a long day, livin' in Michigan. There's a freeway, runnin' almost everywhere.  Sometimes I wanna leave this town.  I don't know where I'd go, I don't know where I wouldn't go.

I want to live in a big city where there's action, and not as much Crack (are you supposed to capitalize that?).  Detroit's a little whack.  I know, I know, they are trying but come on...I want to meet intellectuals from foreign countries and watch them drink fake chai from Starbucks and when I offer to make them real chai, they tell me their dreams.

One of my dreams is to travel the world, it has been circumstances and lack of resources that has kept me in America.  I've lived in several different cities all around the country, but I haven't really gone abroad. One of my best friends has been everywhere and will go everywhere, I'm so impressed with that I'm not even jealous.  Go on girl, I tell her!

Sometimes it's hard's cold, life seems somewhat meaningless and my socks keeping getting wet from the snow. I don't know if it's winter or it's my own head that's the problem.  I've had problems with winter and problems with my head before, so I'm not sure what's to blame.

I mean I have some time off and I spontaneously keep waking up at 5:30 in the morning.  What's up with that anyways?  Right at this moment I'm not teaching and writing can be a lonely profession.  I do go to cafes and whatnot, but you know.

What you ask, is the point of this story?  Well I'm a little lonely, a little tired, and I'm waiting for something interesting to happen around here. I mean take tonight I went out for drinks, and then went home and took a nap from 7:30-10:30.  Then I went to Buffalo Wild Wings with a friend at midnight.

There's something wrong with that story.

It's all fun and games until you eat wild wings at midnight.  I'll probably be up until four now, with heartburn.

I mean things are happening but something is missing and I'm not sure what it is. 

Maybe lack of an intimate relationship.  But intimacy loses it's splendor too. 

I think I'm missing the point of the story.                      

The point is not the point goes back to the moment...I got to make these moments count.  I mean I think that I'm gonna to go to bed, and not worry about the moral of the story.  I had a boyfriend once who told me I think too much.  That led me to think about thinking.  You know what I've come up with?  Not much people, not much. 

I think you can't think your way to enlightenment.  You gotta be it.  And what is it after all?  Shakespeare said it best when he said something like it is a story, signifying nothing.  It's a whole lot of nothing mixed with something.  Its the ying and the yang.

I want to live in a big city with a small town feel, I want to travel the world and still have a home.  I want to be fulfilled but still have that hunger.  I want to find peace in the midst of chaos.  

Whether or not I figure this shit out, the world's not gonna end.  Or on the other hand the world will end...someday.  And when it does and we ask God what the point was, you know She will laugh at us.  The point is not the point.

It's whatever you want it to be.  There are no set themes to choose from, the point of my life is that  I got to live.  Whether or not I get to go to Egypt, I gotta learn how to live in Oak Park, Michigan.  I have to learn how to be where I am.  And the minute I'm OK with the snow and dark cloudy days, I'm finally gonna have a relationship with the sun that means something.  And when I'm OK having a flawed life and being flawed, that will be the moment I'll really know what's up.  

I've been down, I'd like to know what's up.

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