Thursday, May 14, 2015

The Princess Complex

I prefer Princess. I would love to be known as a diva later on in life when I've had far more experiences.

My mother calls me Queen Elizabeth when she's mad at me, "Oh thank you for joining us, Queen Elizabeth," she will declare.  I like to think of myself more as a Princess Diana.  And she has not clarified if she is talking about Queen Elizabeth I or II.  Big difference: huge.

Like a decade ago I was working somewhere and a guy used to tell me I reminded him of Alicia Silverstone.  Clueless. Something about how I flipped  my hair.    

I'm not sure how I feel about all these nicknames.  Nina Kaur literally translates into Princess Nina, which I'm fine with. However I'm not so fine with being designated as a queeny clueless bitch.  

My mother doesn't mean any harm. Just like when I call her Mata Shree, and I have no idea what Mata Shree means.  

The truth is I want to be known as a princess until I'm old enough to be called a diva.  I know I'm not that young, and I may just be fabulous enough to be called a diva now, but I like to dream that I'm still a princess.

Why? Well first of all princesses get all the princes.  Second of all princesses are forever young. 

Am I really and truly a princess, I wonder? I mean it's really not that great of a title. It means you are heavily entitled. I mean sure, I have more clothes than god. More shoes than Mariah Carey. I like to dress up. 

If I'm truly a princess, than I should be a good one. I should be more like Diana and do community service or something. I have too much. Some of my friends are princesses as well, if you are reading this you might be a princess. 

Or a prince, let's not be sexist. I think that maybe if you are thriving in an upper-middle class or above economic level, you might want to think about how entitled you are. 

Not that there is anything wrong with having things. Not having things for yourself is not going to give anyone in the third world anything. However, you know, caring and sharing.

Why did we love Princess Diana so much? Because she was like Cinderella, she had a hard life. I like to think I'm a princess who has had some hardships. And she gave back.

I don't know what I have to give back, but I intend to give back something at some point. Is that good enough? It's going to have to be. 

nina kaur

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Who is in Your Mirror?

I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
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I showed the music video Man in the Mirror to my college class that I teach.  I didn't have to explain it to them, they got it.  But I think I need to explain it to myself.

Who is the person in the mirror?  I was talking with a coworker of mine about having a variety of things that you identify with, so that if one fails you, you have something to fall back on.  

For example, if you identify as a mother first, if something happens to your child, you would fall back on the fact that you are also a nurse and woman, and Hispanic.  Or something.

That woman in the mirror has many identities.  And good for her, she is complex.  Sophisticated.  How many identities do you have? When you don't let one thing define you, you become a multidimensional being.  

But was is being?  I wonder sometimes what it means to be. You don't have to look in the mirror to be, because really it has nothing to do with the way you look.  Looking and being, are two different things.  

What do you want to be?  I want to be pretty and funny and smart. I want to be happy and successful and rich. But sometimes I just want to be me. 

What does that even mean, being me? I don't know, sometimes I just want to be nina and not worry about all my identities and images and desires and everything else. Sometimes I think what makes up me is a conglomeration of a lot of weird shit. But I'm not only weird. I'm also simple.

Maybe. Can't you be simple and complex at the same time. I like rain. Maybe there is nothing more to me than enjoying water. Water is really simple. However, it could be kind of complicated as well, I don't know that much about science. 

So maybe there are men in the mirror. Maybe Michael Jackson didn't know which man he was.  I sure don't know what kind of man he was.  Was he just a great musician? Was he an awful molester? I don't know him anymore than he may have known himself. 

There are a lot of women's faces in my mirror. The one I choose to see, the one I choose to be, morphs from time to time. Yet I know, it her I need to find. Or be. 

I hope she's beautiful.