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Saturday, December 13, 2014

The Sound of Car Music...

So I'm at the mall, a three story mall, Somerset Mall in Troy, Michigan. I'm leaving through the parking lot in a hurry because I'm meeting someone for lunch.  So I get out to the parking lot and discover that I can't remember where my car is.  Or can I?  

I swear I parked not too far away from the door.  So I start pressing the lock button on my remote for my car and I hear it.  It sounds vaguely far away.  I walk around in circles three times trying to follow this sound, but I can't find my car and I swear I parked here. Then the sound mysteriously disappears.  Where did it go, where am I?

We've all had moments like these where we are dumb founded by how dumb we are.  

I'm about to give up and call someone to pick me up, when it dawns on me that I parked on the third floor and I'm on the second floor. Those car lock sounds I was following like a fool were coming from one floor above.  

I was madly following the sound of my car.  The sound of that music from one floor above.  I'm was relieved when I discovered what was going on, but annoyed.  I wasn't even late but I have this thing about being obsessively on time.  

I guess the point of this story is I got really upset and it felt like someone was playing a joke on me when I heard the sounds of my car but couldn't see it.  

Do you ever have those moments where you think the universe is playing these odd jokes on you.  I mean if I was watching myself on a T.V. show mysteriously following the sound of my beeping car, I might think it was funny. 

It's a remotely funny story.  It drove me MAD!  There was actual sweat on my brow when I finally got to my car and it's like thirty degrees outside.

This would have been a good moment for me to laugh at myself and laugh at the universe for making things a little odd and interesting.  Why are these moments so much better after they are over?

I should appreciate the small little happenings as they come.  I shouldn't be mad.  I should be glad.  Glad that I have the luxury to spend money on make-up at an expensive mall.  Glad that if I called a friend they would have picked me up.  Glad that I have a car to actually lose.  

But really I should be glad that I'm lucky enough to notice that I should be glad.  I got to stop being mad at the moment, the moment is mine.  The moment is yours.

nina

Friday, November 28, 2014

Me as a Machine:

What are you doing right now? If you are anything like me you are flipping through T.V. channels, Pandora stations and websites as if these things closed for the holiday and you need some kind of fix.  

I have a problem, I can't do only one thing at a time...I'm writing this blog...I'm watching a show and my fingers are busy but I want to do something with my toes. You know like those people who can do stuff with their toes. Why have toes if you can't use them? The dad from Family Ties is on this show I'm watching.  It's not Family Ties though.    

Remember when you just watched a show or drove a car without wanting to check your phone at every commercial or red light?

Remember when you could remember what show you were watching or where you were driving? This new show Suits is on, it didn't exactly have me at hello...

My butt bone is hurting, it's a new pain, probably from sitting all night. Now I changed the show to a show from England, they actually showed a pretty woman without makeup on, only the British.  I'm on Match.com as well.    

Nothing can satisfy me, I'm a machine.  Now I'm watching a show that is from Denmark.  That's what you do when you have Netflix. The Netflix was a gift to my friend because I could never figure out what to buy her.  So I have the password and I watch it too.  Was it really a gift to me?  Do you want the password? Maybe I should just give out the password and everyone should watch Netflix while I only pay, what is it, 7.99 a month?  Read my blog and you can stream mediocre European shows too.      

Oh this is a problem, apparently the show I'm watching is in Dutch, don't call me ignorant but what do they speak in Denmark? This is ruining my do three things at once game because ain't nobody got time for subtitles.  Oh I think I found a good movie, a movie that could make me put down my phone... It's called "Call me Crazy." Yeah I know, call me what you will...it seems good.  I'm putting my phone away...alright I'm back...that was a little too crazy, even for my taste.  

I'm going to put on traditional T.V. David Letterman can usually pack a punch.  Or Jimmy Fallon, whoever is not on commercial. You know I was going to do ads on this blog, but I haven't really put in the effort.  Would you be bothered with ads, would that offend you?  Yes, I'd be making money but so little it would be funny.  

This is what I have become.  Hungry for entertainment and mildly hyped up with too much Diet Coke in the evening.  What's a girl to do?  Well apparently John Stewart is on the Colbert Report.  Or I'm dreaming.  It's getting late.  

I'm going up and down my Facebook feed like it's my job.  I can't find anything that catches my eye.  I'm really spending a lot of time doing nothing.  I could be reading or writing or you know not writing this, but writing the next great American novel.

Not this drivel.  Drivel is a word?  

Life is beautiful and I'm on the Internet, losing my mind.  

There has to be more to life than this. In fact there is.  I sleep with my mac book in my bed, instead of a man.  Yes it's true.  

I'm yearning for a better existence.  

I remember not having the Internet.  I wasn't that young.  I did other things with my time.  I probably lived better.  There was a time in college when I didn't have cable TV, I had a bad antenna, there was no Internet and I didn't have a computer.  I had conversations...I read books.  I listened to CD's.  I went on dates with guys instead of chatting with online profiles.    

There was one CD in particular, when I couldn't sleep I would put on: Silsila. Songs from an Indian movie from the eighties on my little boom box.  My roommate would sometimes join me in the middle of the night and we would sing to the beautiful songs.  Now we would probably watch Youtube videos of other beautiful people singing the songs.    

I think I wrote more then when I didn't have all these toys.

I used to write with a pen in a journal.

I think I wrote pretty badly then as well.

But at least I did something. 

I did something besides wait for life to post itself in the form of a link or a sticker or a saying.   I didn't wait for someone to tell me how to live life...I just did it the best I could.   

So stop reading this and do something more with your life...this too shall pass...

nina

Thursday, November 27, 2014

You Say there is a Method...

What am I most thankful for?  I'd like to say I'm thankful for food and stuff.  But honestly, I'm talking to the well fed here.  If you have some gadget by which to read this, I assume you may know where you next meal is coming from. I'm not suggesting that you should not be thankful for this, but we, the well fed, need to go deeper sometimes when we thank the universe for our particular brand of stuff.

I'd like to say I'm thankful that I'm sane, because I've been insane.

I'd like to think I'm talking to the sane here, but there is also something inside of you that flickers isn't there?  Some say it is a light, some call it a darkness.  Some deny its existence, those are the ones to watch out for...    

I'm thankful for my madness. 

Without a touch of madness what would I be?  I would be regular, there would be no magic.  If there is anything to write home about here I owe it to my crazy side.  The side that doesn't sleep...

I laugh sometimes a little louder...because the world is funny.  And I sing a little more out of tune, because I want my own song.  And I dance backwards but I know which way I'm not going.  

Without the insanity, how would I even know I'm sane?  How would I appreciate it?  I mean I could, but not this way. I truly love being alive.  I truly don't understand it.  I love that...

I'm sitting in a bookstore, comfy and warm.  There is a man who is mentally impaired walking around me talking to himself loudly. And I want to reach out to him, I don't know why.  He must know, in his life he must know that he is OK.  I want to tell him that he is OK. 

If he's OK, I think maybe I'm OK.  

I guess I'm thankful I'm not mentally impaired.  Except when I think about the book Flowers for Algernon.  It's a book about a guy who is mentally impaired and then has a surgery that makes him genius level intelligent.  He is happy when he is impaired and unhappy when he is smart.  The question is, what would you wish for, ignorant bliss or intelligent unhappiness?  Most of us would wish to be intelligent wouldn't we.  Why?  What has it done for you lately? 

Yeah, you can be smart and happy.  It's just hard once you take everything into account.  Right now, in this moment, I feel content. I'm in my sacred place, my bookstore.  I'm writing, which is sacred to me.  Call me ignorant.  The world is still on fire.    

They are selling Fifty Shades of Grey on a table next to me at my temple.  I could be angered that this crap sells, while great literature is forgotten.  However, even that isn't bothering me now. Sometimes you feel peace or bliss so intrinsically that nothing can break that trance.

I'm thankful for that.

nina

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Use Your Words

I didn't sleep well last night, perhaps it was the wind, or maybe it was the atrocities on TV. Maybe I don't know where I fit in the conversation.  I'm not black and I'm not white, I sit in between... I lived near Harlem during 911, I live in an upper middle class suburb now.  I'm a Sikh, a minority religion in India.  My friends and relatives with turbans have had a hell of a time, existing...

So what do I know about this Michael Brown situation? Call me a hippie but why aren't we sitting in circles and peacefully protesting? I want to go to jail for a sit in, because when I go to jail it will be for something I believe in.  

I believe this a conversation our country needs to have... However talking with guns and fires won't work, it never has.  The two movements in this world that worked were peaceful, led by Gandhi and MLK.  

Did we forget this?  What would Martin Luther King say today, after seeing all this?  He would say he had a dream but this is a nightmare.  Why aren't we all sitting down...why can't we talk about this...

Whether it be police brutality or racial profiling, I can only say I have experience with racial profiling as I was always "randomly" selected at the airport during 911 to be thoroughly checked.  

Being looked at like a criminal makes you feel dirty.  Like you don't belong.

I'm no alien, I was born in the USA.  I may not look like your typical American, but guess what, I am.  

Whether you are black, brown, yellow, white or whatever color they designate you, we are all in this together.  

"If there is a man lying in chains anywhere, none of us are free..."

I know actions are louder than words.  So you, the one who wants to kill someone right now, you the angry one, you sit down.  Take a deep breath and think about what good you will do by causing the very type of violence you are protesting.  

There is nothing wrong with a protest but the only ones that really work are the peaceful ones.  

So what's my peaceful protest?  This.  Let's talk about it, let's not forget about it.  Words are the strongest weapons we will ever have. 

nina

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Call Me A Diva, I Dare You...

I have a couple good friends who call me a diva.  Alright, I can live with that.  What I would like to know is what is the equivalent of a diva for men?  When a man is strong and a little bit of an asshole, he's considered a man.  When a woman is powerful and a little bit of a bitch she's called a Diva.

I have my diva moments, it's true. However, I also have my moments where I'm just a strong woman who won't take shit from other people. There is a fine line between bitch and diva. However what is that fine line for men?

Why are men allowed to be powerful and mean, without reproach?
Maybe because we expect that from men.  We think it is somehow inherently wrong for a woman to be powerful.

When a woman attains some form of power we call her a diva, a bitch. When a man does the same thing, we have nothing to call him.

There is this idea that matriarchy should stay in the home and patriarchy should stay in the world.  The problem is that we assign certain roles to genders instead of letting people just be.  

When Hilary Clinton is president will she just be another bitch in charge?  Or will she be respected?  It will be hard for people to take a woman as the leader of the free world.  But how free is the world if a woman in charge will scare a lot of people?

I don't think women should rule the world, nor do I think men should.  I honestly believe in equality.  In fact there should be two presidents, a man and woman working together.  If we understood ourselves better we might see the beauty of this.  

I don't even think that every woman is feminine and every man is masculine, however I think a mixture of both these forces is a good combination.  For a country, for a life.  

There is a certain something I get from my girlfriends, however there is something special that I also get from my relationship with men.  Whether it be a significant other, a friend or a relative.  I need both aspects in my life.  

Balance.  The yin and the yang.  The masculine and the feminine.  

So whether you are a diva, or just a dramatic dude...don't let these labels rule you or fool you.  You be you, let the world label itself.  

nina


Monday, November 24, 2014

What Interests Me...



We are so worried, about what we do, we forget about who we are...what we are.  Are you sure you know life?  Or do you just speak about life?  Do you just walk around it?  Do you even know how to dance with it?

What do you long for?  Are there empty spaces in your being that you know can be filled with emptiness.  Do you ever want to fill a cup with your own damn voice?  What would you say if you could capture it all in a cup?

Is there something inside of you that speaks louder than the mundane, everyday, humdrum of a life.  Do you long for peace? Or do you long for passion that ceases to make sense? Do you even know what passion is, would you recognize it if it slapped you across the face?  Would you know that difference between passion and peace, do you know you want it all?   

What puts you on fire?  Which one of us will fight the fight, the one we all know about.  The one about our dreams.  Which one of us will stand like a fool, and invite the truth to our table, no matter how dirty it makes the moment.

Enlightenment is falling in love with the world, letting it breathe and tell you, you are real.  You did not imagine this existence but you imagined its limits. 

Did you know there are no limits to our songs, the ones we don't sing, the ones we imagine are too loud.

Infinity is a stone we all throw around as if it can be measured, as if our lives can be numbered as if our days don't have wings.  We have a closet full of birds, no lack of song in this house.

Yet we forgot our voice and we captured their wings.  

Life is not about eternity...it is about one moment.  This one, not that one.  In this one moment, what will you be?

Will you be a number for us to count, like money? Will you be a song for us to sing, when we notice how little we are worth if we don't dance.  

How many of us climbed mountains with our pauses, the way we stop.  In the middle of sentences we don't want to say?  The way we don't breathe, in the middle of a life we don't want to live.

Sing for me once, a ballad of your choice.  

Know that you are heard, no need to scream.  Unless you have found the fine line between reality and imagination, and decided you want to walk it.  

Maybe dance it.

Move for me this once, the way you do to your own beat.  

Reality is not any more real than your own voice.  

Say it, in your own way.

nina

Sunday, November 23, 2014

yeah, yeah, yeah


It's Sunday morning, I'm late, I usually write my blogs before...I like to reserve Sundays as my peaceful days.  Days I can think what I want, say what I want, be who I want.  

Sunday is a day for me.  

It's a grey day, it makes you want to fall back asleep.  It's uninspiring.  Let me tell you what was inspiring this week though...we had a discussion about stem cell research in my college composition class that I teach. 

We talked about how the stem cell research could lead to cloning. If someone was cloned, would the clone have a soul?  Then we got on the topic of souls and spirituality.  

This was of course my favorite topic in the world, and I shared some of my ideas and experiences.  Mostly how recently I started meditating again, I go on and off with it, but I started hard core again.  I've noticed some real changes since I started again.

Not only has my attitude changed, but the universe seems to be working more in my favor.  I think if you channel the energy in the universe it works for you.  Better things started happening in my life, interesting people began to enter my existence. 

I'm a bad meditator.  I will be meditating and take a break to check my phone or the Internet.  I don't always have the attention span of a holy goddess.  However, even with all my mistakes, I've still been able to channel something real.

It has made me happier.  It has made me stronger.  I feel like I can get through this life easier.  I only meditate for like half an hour, if that.  But I try to bring my meditation in my everyday life, I try to be mindful.  I try to see the divinity in everything.  

Even in grey Sunday mornings.  There is a beauty to them.  I want to fight with the sky and make the sun come out. But in my heart I know that the overcast day is my test, the test to see if I can be happy without a sun.     

Maybe you are looking for something new in your life.  Maybe the status quo is not working for you.  Maybe you need a change.  The ugliness of the world may be creeping up on you, scaring you.

I implore you to look inside, where the real beauty lies.  I don't meditate because I want to or because it is fun, at this point in my life I have to.  I can't take life without it.  It's too hard otherwise.  

I need this.  Maybe you need this too.  Maybe we all need this.  

nina


Image courtesy of samarttiw/FreeDigitalPhotos.net