Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Tid Bits of a Life

OK. So I'm slowing down a bit, I can't write like a maniac all the time!  

Here's the story:  So I go to a new doctor, but first this pre-doctor sees me.  He's a doctor but he's not my doctor.  I'm aware that they call them interns, but that doesn't make it any less weird.  He takes all my information on a computer, which he seems like he doesn't trust and pseudo gives me doctorly advice, which I don't trust.  I'm aware it's called training but I mean we are talking about my body, I don't want some know-nothing studying it like a book. 

Then I go to the real doctor and he basically doesn't shake my hand or anything, doesn't really say hi, barely turns around from his desk, just goes into doctor stuff and types everything I say into a computer.  He is not facing me. C'mon am I that hard to look at?  I am fully dressed.

The thing is, he never looks up from his computer.  I didn't know that doctors are now computer programmers.  I'm sitting there totally feeling vulnerable and he's busy computing.  His back is to me.  What's wrong with this picture?  

I guess we are here people, this is the future.  I get my therapy by typing this blog into the interwebs.  My doctor cures me by googling it.  

I feel kinda strange about this scenario.  First and foremost because that man who calls himself a doctor has access to my numerical identity, i.e. my weight!  For all I know he could post it on Facebook if he doesn't know how to use that computer.    

Machines are actually taking over our lives...I say this as I type, into a machine...

Like when I went out to dinner with some friends and they brought a kid and the kid put on headphones and just played with their iPhone.  I don't know, it kept the kid quiet and we could use swear words and stuff...but what's worse for the kid hearing a bad word or being alienated? Don't get me wrong, I don't have kids or the slightest idea how to raise them right but I'm worried about us, all of us 

I'm in my car again cause I guess it's my new favorite spot.  I'm actually in a machine.  I'm in the parking lot of Olive Garden.  (I drive a new Honda Civic just so you have a picture.  It's a new color, I forget what the call it but it's gray.  'Gray' or 'grey' people what's the vote?)  

Anyways, what am I doing at Olive Garden?  I know I know, but I had good intentions when I came in.  I was gonna do their light fare menu, under like 500 calories.  But then they had this two for one deal where you can take a meal home for free but not if you ordered the light fare.

In my most vulnerable moments I gotta just say I'm a cheap desi. Give me a deal or a coupon and all reason subsides.  Now I have two bad high fat meals instead of one good one.  I should go to Detroit and feed the hungry with this bag of food.  But who has the energy?  (I mean after thinking about going to the gym and all).

That's no good, of me I mean.  Speaking of good do you think it's alright to eat at like restaurants like the Olive Garden alone?  I ate alone today, and I have done it many times.  When I was living alone in New York and even in Chicago.  People think that's odd or sad but I have no ill feelings about it.  I don't fake reading a book I just sit with myself.  I guess I enjoy my own company.  

Like I'm sitting alone in my car with the music on, window cracked open.  It would be nice to share this life with a significant other but ain't nobody got time for my kinda madness.  Just kidding I will find some crazy boy who will take all this and love it.  Right?

So I'm back at Barnes and Noble, I've done some of my finest work here.  It's sort of my temple, even if I don't go in I do what we call Darshan.  I basically stop by.

While I'm writing this...It's Vaisakhi by the way, the punjabi and Sikh new year!  I should do something holy and pray!  

Right I only pray when I get desperate.  Instead I talk to god.  When I just start talking to god about what I need, or to thank him I feel a feeling of extraordinary bliss.  I encourage you to try it! P.S. its not the same as praying!  I don't pray.  I don't want to be like those other pray-ers whose dreams don't come true.  My prayers don't go unanswered because I don't pray.  I chat...surprise's what I know.         

So on this special day, I will meditate in front of the Barnes and Noble!  god is in books people, she is in books.  Read all about it!  

So do you think it's the end of the world as we know it?  Since we now believe god is in machines?  REM said so many years ago.  I feel fine even if it is.  I am worshipping in a bookstore parking lot instead of a temple, what does that say?

I mean we will be robots soon, not that we are that far away.  I mean we fake smile and stare out our digital "friends" and don't pick up the phone when a real friend calls.  

Should I go inside the Barnes and Noble?  I have to read more of this sarcastic snarky type of writing that I do. I think I'm gonna find a book at Barnes and Noble and then go home and buy it for cheaper on my Kindle.  In fact I was gonna bring my Kindle to Barnes and Noble.  Is that rude?

I'm the kinda person who would walk into a Starbucks with a coffee from McDonald's.  C'mon I hate the atmosphere of Micky Dees and I like the feel of a cafe at a lower price!  

OK I've actually never done that but...I could hit a new low any minute now.  

I mean I was gonna hit on the waiter at Olive Garden who was wearing a gold Kara, the Sikh bracelet.  I should have wished him happy Vaisakhi!  

So Merry Vaisakhi and Happy New Year!  

Say a prayer for your mother, say a prayer for your father but most of all please say a prayer for me...


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