Monday, April 7, 2014

You Think I'm Funny When I get the Punchline Wrong...

I'm turning into a morning person.  I love the night, don't get me wrong, but there is something so surreal and perfect about the morning.  It's peaceful.  

But Monday Morning, that's a whole different ball game.  It takes a lot to get up, I mean some serious effort.  And then there is the whole, why is there so much to do question?

I like to start like my new plans and regiments on Mondays.  That's why Mondays suck.  Let me tell you something, Sunday night, not much better.

I'm writing this on a Sunday night.  I was thinking of being funny or something tonight, but it might not happen.  I mean I had such a great weekend and I know weeks are not like weekends.  I went to a play today with an old, old friend.  We went to preschool together.

When we were in preschool and summer camp, we laughed so hard that we got in trouble often.  But our summer camp counselors loved us and took us to the movies after hours, I think they thought we were fun.  I mean we were young, but humor has no age.  I don't know what we were laughing at...but I know we laughed.  

The play was great, the company was great, I went to Olga's for dinner.  None of this is funny, people.

My friend from preschool said I should try stand up comedy, I told another friend of mine about this and she thought it was a funny idea.  Maybe I'm not that funny. 

That's kinda depressing.  If you try to write comedy, like make a concerted effort, it's REALLY hard.  If it just comes out, like in the wash in your head, then it is usually more humorous.  It's like in conversation, if you try to tell a joke it will probably be forced.  But if you just talk about the irony of life in a casual way, it might be funny.

Wit is something that I look for in people, including men.  There ain't nothin' like a quick wit.  It's priceless.

I was watching Aziz Ansari and he was reading an essay his stupid cousin wrote.  It was out of control, you have to see this noise.  It might have been a real essay from an idiot, or Aziz just may be naturally hilarious. 

Whatever works.

I don't want to do stand up, it's too much pressure.  I have seen people fail at stand up and it's a nightmare.  I do want to be the funny professor, the absent minded prof.  Yeah, I decided, after going to school to be a school teacher that I want to be a professor.  Isn't that funny?  Ha ha.  The joke is on me.  I have an MFA and it's considered what they call a terminal degree.  No people I'm not dying (was that funny?)  But in all seriousness it is considered equivalent to a PhD.  

Why don't I want to teach in high school?  Umm, excuse me, have you met some of these kids?  I don't know if it's High Fructose Corn Syrup or just madness in general, but these kids are out of control.  I felt like a babysitter.  I mean if I have to do it, I'll do it, but I will bitch and moan.  

I mean maybe I don't really like kids, but that's not true.  My friends have amazing kids, like today, my friend has a kid who is thirteen but likes eighties music and eighties movies and bought a a VCR.  He is so fascinating to me, we can talk culture.  It's weird. He's a good kid.

I like kids.  I just I don't feel like the high school curriculum is intellectually stimulating enough for me.  I know, I'm a snob.  But I like young adults.  I like people listening to what I say.  I don't want to have to count to five everyday to get a bunch of brats to shut up.

I didn't even have time to be funny as a teacher.  I was so busy trying to control the classroom I lost my sense of humor.  

I don't know.  

I mean if someone hires me, in this world, I will have to take the job regardless.  But I warn you I will use this forum to make a spectacle of myself if I have to do a job I hate.

I mean what makes you laugh?  I'd like to know.  Really I would.

This random comedian was talking about how depression did something funny to him, I can't remember the joke.  But he personified depression as being really hilarious.  

That's such a great twist on things.  I'm good at twisting things.  

But your friends are there to humble you, as my BFF said, "I think it's funny that someone thinks you can do stand up.  I'm a stand up conseour..."  

Well excuse the fuck out of me!

I thought I was a riot.  In her defense she said that I was hilarious or I would not be her friend.  But stand up was a whole other ball game.  

I sort of agree.  I didn't really miss my calling.  I'm not gonna put youtube videos of me giving impressions of my very funny mother. Like Margaret Cho.  Cho is brilliant.  "Mommy want to know, are you GAAAAY?"

I just put on the T.V. to get some inspiration.  Here I go again with the country music.  There's a music video on and the guys kinda look like they belong on Duck Dynasty.  Now Blake Sheldon is on, he's not terrible. This song is not bad, but I can't sing or dance.  

I'll stick to writing.  Mostly because I'm vain and look funny on video.  

Did I mention there were psychic mediums at this play, they did a show after the play?  So they did readings in the crowd, and this woman psychic who wasn't doing very well predicting things told me that I was very peaceful and brought peace to situations.  She also told me that I know a lot, but don't trust it.  

I mean I don't know, I believe there is such a thing as psychics, but was this woman correct?  It's funny someone on the phone that very morning told me that he felt very peaceful when he talked to me.  Maybe there is something to it. 

But she was bombing in terms of predicting things, it was like watching a bad comic, it was uncomfortable and embarrassing.  Anyways... 

Good morning.

Happy Monday!



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