Let's talk about Facebook for a second here, it's sometimes the first thing I look at in the morning. I have a blog and I like to see who has seen it and commented on it, etc. But let's be real who is looking at my blog in the middle of the night, although I do have an international audience, there are a couple people in the Ukraine who are reading this shit. Go figure. But, do I secretly need validation from the world on social media. I'm not gonna lie, I like to be liked.
Push that like button baby, push it.
Do I feel jealous when I see some of my friends go on their umpteenth vacation? I don't know. I've heard Facebook can cause social envy. You are looking at only the good parts of people's lives and your life looks like shit in comparison.
I don't know if I really have that problem because I generally don't feel shitty about my existence. I'm thinking about when I was depressed, Facebook did not even depress me then, it sort of made me feel connected to the world when I wasn't connected in other ways.
I look at the screen too much, I know that. I check my blog statistics too much to see how many hits I've gotten, I know that. I think it's fascinating that anyone would be interested in what I'm doing on the toilet.
I have hundreds of "friends" of Facebook, but who can I really call when I run out of gas? I can count those people on one hand. It's all fun and games until you run out of gas with a cat shitting in your car (refer to The Cat in the Shat). But it's funny and a good story.
These are the days of our lives, or the posts of our lives. What we post on Facebook is our scrapbook. I was recently thinking about getting into photography and I thought, wow I have an instant audience for my work if I do that, Facebook. I'm not into taking social pictures or pictures of myself as you may have noticed. I'm into random pictures of like fruit and the sky.
Am I overusing Facebook? Probably. But some of my best friendships have now begun by an encounter on Facebook. So how can I complain? I'm also using it to promote my writing and it's working.
I mean I think it's better to talk to people face to face than post shit about them on the Internet, but I don't think we are neccesarily headed towards hell because of social media.
There are bigger fish to fry I feel. Like I'm against the propagation of violence through video games. People will rail against Facebook but hard core pornography is still alive and well on the Internet.
My mom is against Facebook, she doesn't read my blog and doesn't know that I reveal far too much for her taste on it. She would be appalled. If you know her, please help me keep my secret for as long as humanly possible.
I hate pictures of myself, not just because I think I look fat, but because the camera does something funky to my face when it flips it backwards, it's horrible. I look like an alien. So I don't let pictures of me out there. It's not cause I hate my looks, it's because I hate my pictures.
However I like photography. So it's all a conundrum.
Sometimes I go as far as getting my news on Facebook, which is pathetic, I mean I should find other sources, but sometimes a hot news story that everyone is talking about is revealed to me. I get my news on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart as well, I'm not exactly fond of hard news.
I'm fond of my friend's news though. I like the idea of having a place to congregate online. I like having a place to brag and bitch. I don't know there might be some judgey people on Facebook and I have been warned that I might regret revealing so much of myself on there.
What about privacy? I feel like I'm on a reality show sometimes because I'm relaying embarrassing things that happen in my everyday life. I mean if Kim Kardashian can showcase how boring and irrelevant she is, than I can talk about my insecurities. Please tell me I'm more charming than Kimmie.
I want my blog to go viral one day, like that and winning the Nobel Prize in literature are my too professional dreams. Learning the difference between "too" and "two" is my second professional dream.
Speaking of reality shows, why is it they only show the reality of the rich and famous and beautiful? Why not show reality? I mean I get it but then what's the difference between reality and fantasy then. Hoarders is a real show, and it scares the shit out of me.
It's the same with Facebook, you don't often see people airing out their dirty laundry. It's a showcase for the pretty parts of ourselves. And that's OK, who wants to see the dirt anyways. I mean we dig dirt on each other in other ways as it is.
I was gonna write something about something on my blog, and a friend cautioned me that I might regret it because my blog is posted to Facebook and people in my community, in all communities can be judgy. Well I took her advice and didn't write about it and feel like she is right, I need to set boundaries while still being open and intimate and honest with my readers.
Honestly, I'm not going to be completely honest with you. I'm gonna dress up this dialogue with charm and hopefully some wit. I want to look pretty too. Just because I don't usually put pictures up doesn't mean I'm not vain.
Do I secretly want you to envy me? No. I want you to be moved by me and I want to make you think and sometimes make you laugh. I don't want to make your life hell. I want you to know me better and know yourself better.
I always wanted to be popular in high school and I have a friend who once told me the scar of not being popular in high school stays with you. Do I want fame so I can be popular? I want fame so I can be rich.
I will tell you honestly I saw pictures of a party I wasn't invited to on Facebook a little while ago and was a little hurt. Envy. I said I didn't have any. I didn't lie, I just didn't realize.
Being social and being on Facebook is part of this new electronic existence of ours. I like to be social, but I'm a little bit of an outcast in some ways, I'm not like other people in many ways.
I was always on this dead end search for people like me, a community of Ninas I could take to Ninaland with me. I think I'm begining to realize that one Nina is enough and I have made a really good community of like minded people and I am always on the look out for brilliant people, but more for the brilliance in people I already know.
So if I hang out with you, even if it's just online, remember you are special. Special to me.
nina
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