I'm listening to Country music right now, and I'm not sure of myself. Like why do I kinda like it? Let's be real, I used to make fun of one of my friend's endlessly for listening to this crap. Why is it not that crappy, it's definitely sappy.
Whatever, I need to get a life before I have to put in my Match.com profile that I listen to country. It's embarrassing. I mean I need all the social status I can get considering that I listen to light FM while I'm working out.
I'm not a fast moving person, consequently I don't like really fast music. So sue me. I know, it's not cool to be slow.
You ever wonder if you are "cool" or not?
I don't know if I fall into the "cool" category or if I ever did. I think somewhere in my twenties I did, I had some kind of attitude about it. But I shed that shit. I mean where is the cool thermometer, how do you know if you are cool or not?
I live to do this, by the way, contemplate complete bullshit. Seinfeld was a show about nothing, my dream is to blog about nothing until it bothers me. I want to die trying, although I always come up with a point or two.
There is a fine line between meaning and meaninglessness. I like walking that line, it makes me feel close to infinity. What does that mean even. HA, or what doesn't it mean?
I don't know dude.
I know as little as you do about infinity and such things.
You know the other day I told an Indian guy who lives in India that he was cracking me up and he didn't understand what the phrase meant. That was interesting to me and I'm thinking of this now because it's a Saturday night and I'm watching an Indian movie with my parents. So not cool. I'm doing essentially nothing on a Saturday night.
It's an older movie and the man and woman are running in the forest, they are lovers. A beautiful song is playing. I only understand like half the words.
All of a sudden, for no particular reason, it occurs to me that everything is going to be OK. I didn't know that before this very second. I'm not even sure I know it after that second.
Indian movies are like fairytales, there is always love. I'm not cool enough to think this is dumb. I kinda think it's cute. I'm a romantic like that. Sometimes I think life is kinda like a fairytale.
I mean don't get me wrong there are some really bad Bollywood movies out there, but there are worse Hollywood movies. Just like there are good people and bad people.
My friend was telling me the other day that I'm not having success Internet dating because the majority of people are "Douches" as she put it so eloquently. (Is that how you spell that?) I don't know if I'm that jaded yet, the human race has not lost it's splendor for me still.
But I get it, what she's saying.
This is not a blog about nothing, is it?
I'm not successfully meaningless. C'mon, I'm not really trying.
I'm just being random at this point.
Are you easily amused? I think I might be, but I like to think I have a discerning sense of humor.
On a totally unrelated note, I'm having an epiphany and thinking of actually doing something serious about my weight.
Let's be honest, I'm a bit of a lazy ass when it comes to the gym. Can I change that? I mean I don't know, I'm gonna have to if I want my dreams of weight loss to come true. I can I just don't. I will.
I mean going to the gym and dieting is not my idea of a party, but I want to be the life of the party again. I mean, yes it's vanity, and health mind you. I have some health problems because of my weight already and they are a real bitch and I'm not even forty.
I want to feel good about myself, I want to be normal and feel normal and get laid. Let's be real.
Maybe I want to feel cool again.
I don't want to be the fat girl. I just don't. I don't know, am I crazy?
It's hard living in a world that values thinness so much. A world that is in fact so obese.
This is not because I don't love myself, I do. In some ways more than when I was much thinner.
I mean there is this whole element of wanting to feel sexy, to look sexy. Not that overweight people cannot be sexy. It's not exactly my style.
My look is not my style. I've never been rail thin, but I was always a little curvy, but it went out of control.
I know it's who I am that really matters, that jovial woman who is smart and nice. I know I'm beautiful now and always will be. So it doesn't really matter if I do this or not. But I'm gonna do it anyways.
I'm cool cause I say I'm cool. That's the law in Ninaland. I wanted this blog to be light and fluffy after such an emotional post but it turns out I'm very serious these days.
But you and I will always laugh together I hope, at these small moments of epiphany and cry together. Try being easily amused, it's a good trait.