Sunday, January 2, 2011

Do I stutter?

I just saw The King's Speech.  It's a beautiful film about King George the something who had a horrible speech impediment.  Interestingly enough speech impediments are usually caused by psychological trauma, so King George faces his past demons in order for his voice to be heard.

He was a king and even he couldn't say what was on his mind.  How many of us can speak what is on our minds?  How many of us have stuttered in the past, even if just metaphorically.

Do I stutter?  Yeah, I do.  (I mean that symbolically, thankfully I don't have a speech problem except for the fact that I talk too much).  I have not only stuttered when trying to say what I mean, but I have said the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time, I've put my foot in my mouth etc. etc.

I used to be a lot more blunt and tactless than I am now, if you can believe that.  That was my speech impediment.  I was thinking out loud is what was happening.

After probably offending everyone I know, some people started telling me to cap it.  I'm better now, but I do believe in most cases.

Now I have another problem:  I reveal too much.  I mean some of the things I've told you all, some of good friends don't know.  In some ways I'm an open book.  I wish I had a little more mystery.  But I have to admit, there are quite a few things even I won't talk about, yet.  However eventually I will spill it all in some book or another, I'm even writing a Memoir at the moment.

But the thing is, people want to censor me.  My family does, they don't understand why I would want to tell the world that I'm a flawed being. They are tired of my flaws, they don't find them entertaining.

I'm not here just to entertain though, you know.  So why do I give away so much of myself?

'Cause I kind of wish we would all stop hiding in our caves.  I lived in a cave for a very long time, a cave of depression, it ain't fun.  However even I understand the idea that we should all maintain some level of privacy.

So should I stop spreading my secrets like cream cheese?  I don't know, what do you think?

I know you, you wanna hear about it.  But it's natural to want to really know someone, to see their walls come down.  But I have to admit that it is different in a public setting. Sometimes it feels like those dreams everyone has about being naked in front of everyone...isn't funny though but all other animals are naked and presumably don't have nightmares about it.

Are we prudes, or are we the chosen species that has to cover all of or scars?  The truth is I would never walk around your neighborhood naked, (I don't even like how I look without make-up on).  In many regards I will block you out, but in some ways I'll let you into my secret garden.  Just be careful, sometimes there are thorns on those flowers.

Funny thing is people go on like talk shows and tell their intimate secrets all the time.  Why do they do that?

There is this notion that we all want to be heard.  Somewhere in the middle of The King's Speech the King laments, without stuttering, "I have a voice!"

I bet you've got a voice.  I bet you can even sing with it.  But I bet that you only let yourself do it in the privacy of your shower.  That's OK, if that works for you.  But if you ever want to drop an'll have to learn how to get over your fear of the public seeing you naked.

Well I guess that's why I do it, this is my song.  Maybe sometimes I do cross the line.  I apologize.  I don't mean to make anyone uncomfortable. Sometimes I even make myself a little uncomfortable, but maybe it's good to shake things up a bit.

There are things that are out of line though, even for me.  My family is off limits.  Even my friends, I have no intention of revealing any one else's secrets.

And then there are things that have to be said.  My political views will creep into my text, my spiritual views will be felt in the pauses, and  my moral compass will asses situations.

It might come as a huge surprise to you, but I'm not perfect.  I don't know what's good, what's bad.  I'm new to the ettiquette appropriate on the net. I do know this though:  If I were to stand on a pulpit and speak, sometimes I might not know what to say, say the wrong thing, and sometimes I might stop, and stutter.

Forgive me for being human.  Underneath this thin layer of clothes, I'm naked.


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