Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Selfie Photo Shoot

innocent nina
So I went on a selfie photo shoot recently.  Yes I did it for a dude.  He wanted to really “see” me without meeting me.  I told him to just meet me but he denied me.  So I shot a bunch of photos of me.  It was weird; I liked a few. 

Many men I've met online have asked me for this, but I never obliged until now.    

I’m not photogenic.  The camera distorts my face.  However, for some reason I like the way I look better now that I’ve taken all these pictures of me.

Is that weird?  Is that narcissistic?  A little bit?

There is something therapeutic about documenting your life. 

I feel like angle is really important when you are taking a selfie.   I’ve gotten to know my face really well.  Lighting is also key. 

Vanity is also key.  In some way you have got to like looking at yourself if you are going to seriously take a lot of photos of yourself. 

Create the angel so you don’t look fat, that’s the key.
Pointy Nose Here I Am

Make sure you don’t really look like yourself.  Don’t look the camera in the eye, it’s scary…looking the camera in the eyes is like looking the world in the eye.

God only knows the reason for posting a pic on the Internet is not so you can be seen for who you really are.  C’mon---These are glamor shots, shots you take of yourself.  Shots you manipulate with your lens. 

These are not shots of your soul, save that for later.  Maybe after you die.  These are primarily to make you look good. 

You post them on Facebook and Match and any other site you are willingly a part of.  Don’t you dare smile, because you are trying to create a look of cool introspection, you are a thinker. 

Make sure not to cut off your head while trying to get more of your body:
Head Chopped
These are not artistic nor are they very professional at all.  The only thing I like about them is that I was in control of the camera.  

Sometimes I don't feel like I'm in control of everything in my life.  I don't like other people taking pictures of me, they usually come out horrid and I look either ugly or fat.  

My hips are not in these photos, and I'm grateful for that.  Either is my big ass.  

On another note, speaking of appearance I've decided to take things into my own hands again and start working out and eating healthy.  I don't want to grow old, at all, much less grow old and get sick.  

Then I worry about getting old and ugly, really ugly.  I mean it happens.  And I'm gonna be forty...someday.  It's not that far away...vanity will either kill me or make me get in shape.  

Don't get me wrong, I don't think old people are ugly.  I think they are beautiful and I want to feel beautiful no matter what I look like.

But I don't.  The truth is I feel flawed.  But the truth is those flaws are inside me, not on my body.  This body will always be 'flawed.'  What I have to do is unflaw my mind.  Unflaw is officially a new word I have invented.  Let's see if it picks up.  

It's hard being a woman, especially in a size zero society.  It's harder still when you feel like a number closer to zero than ten.  Look, I don't hate myself or anything like that...but I'm not content with the way I look, it's true.  I wish I could be content and then lose weight, but things don't always work they way they should. 

I should be OK with who and what I am.  I know that.  I know I can be, perhaps the real exercise is that of the mind.  And if I think, therefore I am, then if I think I'm beautiful: I am.  

I am that I am. God said something like that to Moses.  I am what I think I am. 


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