Saturday, November 22, 2014
being no body
Sometimes I don't think of myself as a physical person, as a being with a body. I think I'm something else. What exactly, I don't know. I walk around my living room sometimes as if I am a spirit.
But as non-human as I like to think I am, I'm very much a regular gal. I use words like gal. I am told I don't always sound like I have an education. I'm looked at funny when I say I don't care.
My grammar sucks and I can't spell to save my life. But I want to say something. And I will. Fuckin' words won't stop me. Even bad words. Words I'm not supposed to say.
I'm supposed to be a good girl. I am. Sometimes. Most of the time I fall between the cracks of good and bad. Most of the time I sit in between time.
I don't make sense. I might even go as far as to say I'm a freak.
Ha ha. I laugh at my own jokes.
I will laugh at yours. I have charisma. I don't have too much patience. I'm slow...I don't walk fast. God forbid I run. I have flat feet.
What's your name? They ask me that sometimes, people. I want to say someone else's name. I want to say I'm a goddess with no god. I want to say hello in five different languages.
I barely understand this language. I'm funny. I'm fat. I'm free.
Don't judge me...love me instead. I talk to you because I don't know me. I say this to you, because I could never say it to myself.
I want to be ahead, ahead of myself. There is this race in my head. I'm trying to only compete with myself. This race, where am I trying to go?
I want to be myself, mostly free of my own bullshit.
Mostly, mostly...I am me.