Wednesday, July 15, 2015
A Room of One's Own
“It is much more important to be oneself than anything else. Do not dream of influencing other people...Think of things in themselves.”
― Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own
Well I finally did it, no I didn't move out of my parent's house yet, however I moved into their furnished walkout basement. It has large windows, a kitchen, bedroom and shower. Why I didn't do this earlier, I have no idea.
Nothing could make me happier than having my own space. I'm elated, on cloud nine. I didn't realize how much I needed this. I needed room to breathe, to be me.
I needed a place where I can sing. I sing often, the acoustics are good down here. I smile much more now that I have a place where I can laugh at myself, cry at the world, and sing badly.
I even think I may start dancing down here for exercise, there is a rather large living room here that has open space. There is a treadmill down here, however it's more of a conversation piece at this point. I hate the treadmill. I think the treadmill hates me too...
On another note, I've decided for various reasons I will probably stay in Michigan, I will look for a full time professor job here. Yes eventually I will move out of this basement, but for now things are good.
Funny thing is that I feel happy. Sometimes I don't know what to do with that feeling. I don't know how to be happy. I'm not always sure what do do with myself. Sometimes I listen to Indian music and play the tabla on the table with my fingers. It's an Indian drum that is played with the fingers. I feel like I'm in a different country sometimes. I feel like I'm real.
I think I was becoming invisible when I didn't have my own space. I was disappearing. Apparently I exist though, and I have a place to be. Sometimes I feel like I'm playing house, like I used to in our old house when I was a kid. I lived for a short while in the basement with my cousin Leena and we would pretend we were cool and single and dating and doctors. She went on to become a doctor and got married.
I'm still pretending to be cool and single and dating. I don't pretend to be a doctor anymore, however I'm trying to heal myself nonetheless. So I light candles and listen to soothing music and meditate. I don't feel alone. I feel like the universe is with me in here. I feel like I'm in the universe.
I feel free.