Saturday, September 5, 2009


When I was a little girl I had a best friend.  I mean she was my BFF.  We hung out every single day of our young lives.  We did everything together.  Then when I was twelve I moved away.  Well, I tried finding her a few months ago via the great god of google. 
According to some random paper I found: I think she’s dead.
I remember Her father’s phone number by heart.  So I called him a couple times but didn’t leave a message.  I called from the Land Line and he called back and my father answered, I wasn’t home.  “Someone called from this number?”  Her father asked.
“Oh it was probably my daughter, Nina.  Who is this?” my father asked.  We’ll call him Tom.
“This is Tom do you remember me?” he asked.  They lived across the street from us at our old house. 
“Oh yes how are you Tom, maybe she wanted to talk to you about Her,” my dad said.  Tom didn’t say She was dead.
“Just tell Nina I called,” Tom said. 
See the thing is, Her mother died of alcoholism when I was twelve.  The thing is, She asked me one time when I was like eighteen  if she could stay with me because Her father remarried a woman who was making Her life miserable. 
Coincidentally there happened to be “crazy drama” going on in my household at the time that she asked and there was no way my parents were going to allow Her to crash with us.  So I told Her no.
Then she said the words to me I will never forget: “I guess this is how you know who your true friends are.” 
I never saw Her again.
I invited Her to my graduation party and Her father, Tom, and his wife came, her brother even came, but they said she had a stomach ache.  I was too busy at the party to think too much about it and maybe start crying or whatever.
Years later I decided to dedicate my novel to Her and I imagined I would send Her a copy and we would be friends again.
I found Her name on the people search engine, and it’s her correct first name, last name and her correct age living in Michigan.  But the Paper says Tom’s daughter died.  I never called Tom back. 
I don’t know if she is dead. 
Am I a weak person for not trying to find out?  All I have to do is make a phone call.  I remember, I remember everything that we did together.  We started a band with tennis rackets as our instruments.  We played monopoly for days at time without cheating or quitting.  We watched The Facts of Life.  We danced for hours to Madonna tunes.
I was there when she opened her mother’s diary and found out that her father was having an affair.  Her mother blamed Tom for ruining her life, making her run to the bottle.
I was there the night Her mother passed away.
I can’t, I just can’t know. 
Ignorance is bliss right?
I’m gonna call Tom.  I’ll get back to you when I get the courage to make the phone call.
If she is dead, how did she die?  I assume she got involved with the wrong people and maybe drugs.  Or maybe she contracted AIDS.  How does someone so young die?  Drunk Driving perhaps?
Could I have saved her?


  1. It's a hard decision, Nina, maybe you should consider first why you wanna call, and if that's a good enough reason. Sometimes it's more valid just to keep somethings to ourselves, and other times, we just have to go through with it!

    Good luck with your decision!

    Adam (

  2. Nina, I found you through Adam's blog. You are a very good writer and I am excited to add your blog to those I follow. On my blog I wrote an entry called "The Power of No," which may help bring a little clarity to the situation with your friend. Ultimately, none of us is capable of saving another. Don't let this haunt you. - Jayne

  3. Here is the link to The Power of No."

    I think you were perfectly reasonable in your decision to say no to your friend's request to stay with you and that she was unreasonable in trying to make you feel guilty about it.

  4. I think you're lucky to have had such a friend, as we all grow away from our childhoods, there are always questions of what if? You'll make the right decision because your heart is in the right place.
    Remember, we're only responsible for the decisions we make, for others, all we can do is try to understand.

  5. like jayne, i learned of you from adam's blog. and have seen you on jayne's blog. it is odd when at one time you were so similar to someone and then a time later something happens. and one can feel like we should have kept those people close to us and then they would have been okay. like some global mother hen.