I was talking to some friends the other day about how it is that we are so lucky, lucky enough even to be bored. Being bored is a luxury few in this world can afford. A lot of people are wondering where their next meal will come from, or if they will have one at all. My biggest stress right now is that one cable channel is not working and I'm pissed. I'm actually angry about this. I know, tragedy in suburbia. This is what my life has come to.
I don't want to be like this, not that I'm petty but I don't want to sweat the small stuff as they say. I'm not fucking Kim Kardashian, my biggest worry is not chipping a nail. But I will say that I got my nails done and REALLY don't want them to chip.
Why am I like this? Why am I not spending my time saving the world? I don't know what way exactly I would like to save the world. I mean I want to open up a school and stuff and I'm in school learning how to be a teacher, so I'm not a total waste. But in my free time I'm not helping small children learn Braille. I mean I read and stuff, try to keep up with world events, but most of my time is for me.
But I'm so privileged. I want to worry about world hunger, or at least contribute to saving someone from it. I figure if I teach I will inspire kids to be more than they can be, but is that enough? Shouldn't I be contributing more to this world since I eat so much, literally and figuratively.
I mean I guess even writing this to my small audience is my contribution, telling you all to wake up as I continue to try to not sleep my life away.
So what are we to do?
I think the beginning of everything is to have a conversation about it. But what is it? Is it that we are so privileged and we need to give back because we actually spit on the very luxuries we have? Is that it? Is that all?
There are women and children who are worried about their next beating or rape, there are people who see violence in their backyards either in the inner city or in war zones. What is little old me gonna do about all this shit? I mean when I consider all of it, it overwhelms me.
For godsakes I still haven't gotten my myself to recycle. I mean we are experiencing global warming as we speak and I can't separate the recyclables? What's wrong with me?
What's wrong with you?
You are probably a better person than me. Maybe you've got your shit together and every now and then you go to a soup kitchen at least. I don't do jack for anyone. I get pissed when it's my turn to do the dishes.
So what am I gonna do? I'm gonna think about it, I'm gonna talk about where my talents would suit the world the best. And I'm gonna do something. It may take awhile, don't be surprised. I'll have to socialize a little less and shop less and watch fewer movies, spend less time on the Internet.
But if I've helped one person do one little thing in this life, maybe I'll feel good. Maybe I'll feel right.
'Cause this ain't right.
nina
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