Wednesday, August 26, 2009


Do you believe in aliens? I don’t care if you do or not, you know a few.

Let me refresh your memory. Women like, say, Cindy Crawford, who are like forty and look better than they did when they were sixteen, are ALIENS!!! (Yeah I’m jealous and I want her dead) but it’s for the good of HUMANITY that I say this. See she’s like super smart too. I don’t care what kind of “magic” cream she wears, I could wear that cream until the cows come home and her ass still looks better than my face.

Alright I’m a little bitter.

See, it should be illegal to be THAT kind of Alien.

Why am I bitter? Let me tell you why I’m bitter: she makes human women look flawed. See the “Most interesting man in the Universe” or whatever is like this weird old guy, have you seen that beer commercial? I mean he looks like a rich bastard who bangs strippers.

Again with the women have to be beautiful and men have to be rich syndrome. Come on you have to admit some of these women are like beautiful freaks of nature and the men look like aliens.

Speaking of freaks of nature and possible aliens, I’ve been browsing the web, which can always lead to alien interaction. There is a man with a shoe blog about women’s shoes and how they give him shoegasms.

Alright, I shouldn’t judge. To each their own. C’mon shoegasms?

So you wanna know how I’m doing with this self-discovery thing? It was hot excitement for like two days, two days later it became just nice and comforting. Today, it just feels like another day that I’ve got to get on that treadmill of life (literally the treadmill as well at the gym).

But about the calories, I’m consistently being good (I’m lying…is it the truth if I’m telling you I’m lying?) I’m being OK, we’ll see if I’ve lost some weight on Friday. I do my weigh-ins on Fridays. I’m working out like an animal, but not every day, my heart rate was like 160 at one point, that’s good right? Could I die though? You know, like moving this much is scaring my body.

I’m scared, scared I won’t get a job I like. I’m scared I’ll lose the job because I hate it. I’m scared I’ll unintentionally kill my boss through the power of intention.

I did get a lead for a very good job. I’ll probably fuck it up but I’ll let you know what happens.

I’m scared that I can’t make it on my own in this world, that I’m not a real adult. If I’m a fake adult, does that make me an alien? “I’m an alien, I’m a legal alien…” My parents were called aliens when they first got here. Do you think that's a fair word?

Does it feel to you like words were created by a different species, possibly aliens? I don’t even know what I’m saying... I’m scared that I have nothing special to say so who do I think I am writing in cyberspace, assuming anyone gives a shit?

Besides all that, I feel like I have a purpose…not clear what that purpose is. I feel good and honest.

This is hard, but it’s good.

So if you are an alien and you want to come out of the closet, I think you should write a blog. There has to be at least one alien roaming this Earth. C’mon we won’t kill you. I promise. As long as you don’t look like Cindy Crawford.



  1. Well, I hope you get the job. For that matter, I hope *I* get a job. I'm pretty sure I found you on shaadi and I think you're cute. I'm not Indian, though, and I live in Oregon. And if I'm taller than you, it's by millimeters. But good luck anyway.

    The trouble with blogging is that it puts one in this sort of fucked-up, introspective, self-doubting headspace and then you put that out and show it to the world. It totally catches you at your most insecure. That's why I quit.

  2. Wow...profound. You will make it...we all have our alien moments. Keep writing. It's good for the soul and mind.

    Looking forward to reading some more.