It’s because I’m a part of the borge-wah-zee. (Hell knows I will never be able to spell that word).
Yesterday, I said a guy who had a shoe fetish was like too weird for me. Like I don’t “understand it” my god I’m so above it.
I’m not. I am crazy. I’m not joking. I am also very strange. If you knew what really goes on in my head you would think I am an alien. I think many artists, writers, musicians and the mentally ill etc. feel like aliens and are treated like aliens. We’re often very different than mainstream culture.
There is so much more out there than what is in popular culture, but I’m sure you know that. You aren’t stupid.
But the only weird stuff we accept artistically is visual art. How did they, visual artists, get so ahead of the other arts? You can’t write stories without endings or sing songs that have no beat. But you can throw up on a canvas and it’s totally “art.”
If a man starts chanting vowels on the subway platform and thinks it’s music he is deranged and we are very scared. However, if you are into “yoga” and you are taking a “yoga” class you can chant whatever shit you want to chant because chanting is a form of meditation.
Maybe that guy on the platform is Schizophrenic, as many homeless people are, but maybe he’s also attuned to something higher. Maybe insanity is something we should finally try to understand. Something we should try to RESPECT. Like we respect monkey art.
“My grandma and your grandma sittin’ by the fire, my grandma to told your grandma gonna set your flag on fire…Iko, iko…anay…” Remember that song? What does it mean? I assume it’s too beautiful to describe but it’s very crazy.
The first thing the Women’s Movement did was clean up the Mental Hospitals, or more appropriately the Insane Asylums. Women know about disrespect. “Lunatic” patients were being beaten, electrocuted and denied food and basic human needs. Women have been raped, beaten and denied everything and then called crazy, for ages. It was time for a change.
They were all absolutely mad you know, the Einsteins, the Hemingways, the Van Gos. Whereas on the other hand Hitler was probably not an insane person, he was deliberate, conscious of what he was doing, probably “normal” in many ways.
What I’m trying to say is, the Mentally ill usually don’t want to hurt anyone but themselves. Most violence against other people is done by very “sane” individuals.
Though I’m not a psychologist or psychiatrist, maybe I don’t know enough about it. However, I am a crazy person. I know enough about that.
I don’t want to hurt anyone. I have, hurt a few people very badly, but I never wanted to. I have hurt myself the most.
Enough emotional jargon. I’ve made mistakes, you’ve made mistakes…I assume if you are a human being.
If however, you are an alien, maybe you don’t fuck up. Maybe there’s this whole other world out there where people don’t fuck up and go insane.
In this world however, I don’t think I’m alone when I say. I messed up. More than once.