I decided to continue with this blog, even though I promised I would continue over a year ago. I suppose this means I have no discipline or whatever. I'm not exactly OK with that, but somehow it doesn't bother me that much. Should it bother me?
I will make resolutions this time like I want to be a better person, or lose weight or blah, blah, blah. By the way I do want all those things, I just don't think they are gonna happen by promising on a blog. I think the only thing that is accomplished with keeping a blog is catharsis.
So it's Christmas morning! Wow, I'm not excited. To someone who really is not that Christian Christmas morning means that everything is closed. I did celebrate, sort of, with my family. We didn't trade merchandise though. We ate Thai food. Now I have heart burn.
I always wonder how I should feel on Christmas when my family hardly celebrates it. Should we celebrate another religion's holiday? Why not? It could mean gifts.
It could also mean that I would have had to spend all of my extra money, of which I have very little at the moment, on gifts for other people. This could be a good practice giving or whatever, but come on, what are the chances that people are gonna get you things that you want? I know it sounds selfish and crude but I like the fact that I can spend money on myself during Christmas.
I don't know if this makes me more or less materialistic than the rest of the world. I don't know if it's really a contest.
So this Christmas I got myself those knee high boots I always wanted and I will, shortly after Christmas, get myself some kind of Kindle thingy 'cause I like books. Baby Jesus was not involved in any of these purchases.
Yet there is something cold and unfeeling and unspirited about the way I am handling Christmas. I mean I should do something good....I have friends who get toys for underprivledged children. It never occurs to me to do things like that.
I want to be that person, that person who cares about people that I don't even know. I was gonna go see a movie this Christmas Day. I always wanted to volunteer at a women's shelter. Maybe I'll call them today. Maybe you have to create meaning in your own life, because no one else will do it for you.
I'm still gonna see a movie, maybe the one with Johnny Depp. But if I just make that one phone call, not committing myself, for god's sake, then maybe well maybe I'll remember this day.
Christmas was the day I realized that I need to care more. That's cheesy as hell. But sometimes the truth is.