Tuesday, August 12, 2014

A small tribute to Robin Williams: Oh Captain My Captain!

Robin William’s performance in Dead Poet’s Society is the reason I want to be a teacher.  Robin’s character told his students to “Suck the marrow out of life!”  He inspired them to live, to be and write their truth.

Robin was one of those people who everyone liked.  If you met someone who didn’t like Robin Williams, wouldn’t you be suspect of their character in general?  What was there not to like?  What was there not to love?  Why didn’t he love himself?

Robin Williams suffered from depression: I truly understand that.  It was his brilliance that I have trouble understanding, how could one human be so powerful? He made me laugh, cry, think all in one sentence.  Honestly he was one of the most beautiful people I have ever observed.   

He killed himself.  A friend of mine was angry with him; he said it was selfish. I told him to have compassion, there is no way we can understand the pain Robin was experiencing.  We don’t know how bad it was in his own head.  Just because his external circumstances seemed outstanding, it’s obvious that outer riches mean nothing to most people. 

What’s interesting to me is that I don’t have the external circumstances that people measure their lives with.  I don’t have a significant income; I don’t have a husband or kids.  However there is now a string of happiness within me, a light, that no one can eradicate.  I think it doesn’t matter if you are “successful” in the eyes of the world, but it only matters what you are in your own eyes.

Obviously Robin Williams did not think he was very “pretty” when he looked in the mirror.  He could not love his own beauty, though millions loved him.  He touched us in ways that are immeasurable.  He moved us, made us laugh, and made us cry. 

It is interesting to me that so many people, who are loved by millions, can’t get it in their heads to love themselves.  Imagine that if someone who is famous cannot love themselves, then how do we ordinary people love ourselves.  Apparently you don’t need a fan club in order to be happy.  In fact it seems like a fan club could harm you more than help you. 

I wonder about that since I want to be a famous writer.  Do I want people to love me because I don’t love myself?  I do love myself, but there are times that the appreciation from complete strangers is somehow satisfying.  It’s not real though.  My “fans” don’t know me.  Like in the case of Robin, my fans only know the nina that I show. 

Someone said of Robin Williams last night that he was always “on.”  Meaning whenever he talked to the press, he put on a show.  He didn’t exactly reveal his true self to the public.  Not that it is necessarily any of our business.  However, we would have still loved him had we seen him in his boring and mundane moments.    

Robin Williams, i.e. Mork, is dead.  It’s still had for me to fathom that.  He was like a father figure to me.  He was real, in a world like Hollywood that is full of unreal people. 

I’m sorry that the world is so crappy that an amazing person like Robin Williams could not live in it anymore.  I wish I knew him personally and could have told him how much he meant to me. 

If you are out there, Robin, read this.  Know that you are loved.  Still.  That none of us will ever forget you. 


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