We got the Dreamer's Disease

                                          Dreamcatcher    

I hate those ads on Facebook that show an immensely large woman who is with an emaciated partner and then says something like:  their marriage was saved when she lost weight.  What bothers me about it the most is the fact that they are saying that weight is a huge factor in terms of love in a marriage.  And they are suggesting that if you lose weight you can save your marriage.  Hogwash.  Stop trying to sell weight loss as if it is going to make all your dreams come true.

You don’t have to be married to know that’s a bunch of bullshit.  If losing weight could solve all your problems, more people would do it.  Losing weight only solves one problem:  your weight problem.  It’s not going to make you love yourself or make anyone else love you.  It’s definitely not going to make you happy.  I’m more happy fatter than I ever was thinner.

You have to work on what’s inside first if you really want true change in your life.  In fact if you truly want to lose weight you have to change how you think first.  That’s just my humble opinion. 

Speaking of Facebook ads, let me tell you a little something about you people, if I even offhandedly mention anything sexual, my hits go up dramatically.  What does that say about people?  It was not my dream, I will tell you, to try to sell my verbal body on the Internet.  But apparently it’s no joke:  Sex sells. 

Speaking of not getting any…I never got any in High School either.  My twenty-year reunion is coming up people. I need a hot date and a hot body by then.  I don’t know why it’s important to me to look like I’m amazing after twenty years to a bunch of people I don’t talk to anymore.  There are people from High School that I’m very good friends with still, however they are not the ones I’m interested in impressing.  I have this dream that I will impress these people I don’t even know or care about.  Why you ask?  Maybe because I feel I could not adequately impress them when I was in High School. 

Why do I want impress people I don’t know?  Maybe because I want to start a revolution and I want everyone to be impressed by me.  I’m not kidding.  A revolution that involves love of self, peace and love of each other.  I mean that revolution may have started since the beginning of time, but I feel I want to contribute to it. 

So you say you want a revolution, well you know…we all want to save the world…

The Beatles always say it best. 

I do say I want a revolution.  I believe in the ages, it’s a theory in Eastern mysticism and religion.  We are in the Dark Age and we will have to go in the Age Of Truth after the Dark Age.  I think we are truly moving towards a spiritual revolution.  It’s not religious in nature; in fact it has little to do with “god.”  It has more to do with love.

So I want to walk into that reunion loving everyone I spent my High School days with.  I want to say Namaste, which kind of means the god in me recognizes the god in you.  That’s what I’ve heard; don’t quote me.  It also means salutations.

I salute you.  I do.  I salute you because you are taking the time to read something that is different.  I may be very different than you, or you may see something about yourself in me.  Either way, you are part of this revolution of love.  I know it sounds cheesy, but everything that first started out sounded like it could not happen.  It seemed like it was for the dreamers.  Again, I’m not the only one.

I bet you are dreamer too. 

It doesn’t matter what your dreams are, if you have a dream:  try to make it come true.  If we all do this together we can get somewhere.  If you are not a dreamer, well I guess that is what it is.  You know you can still be a realist and a dreamer at the same time.  I know a few of those myself.

In Hollywood everybody got a dream!  Whatcho dream?

Remember that line from “Pretty Woman?”  OK, maybe you haven’t watched it as many times as I have.  The fairytale of our times: our own Cinderella.  Julia Roberts is the quintessential dreamer, or so it seems in some of her roles, like Erin Brockovich as well. 

What do you dream about?  I mean really I have this re-occurring dream that I go back to High School after I already have Masters degree.  Everyone in the dream doesn’t question the fact that I probably look like I’m in my thirties.  Talk about a fantasy.

Anyways the rest of the dream is not particularly interesting.  There must be something about High School that still lingers with me.  I don’t know exactly what it is, and I don’t have enough money for the adequate therapy to find out.  I had dreams in High School. 

I thought I would write a column like Mitch Albom, not about sports but about life.  I thought I would be a lawyer that would fight for women who were abused.  I no longer need to be a lawyer…I would love to write a column however.  I guess this is my column.  I guess people have stopped reading the newspaper anyways. 

I had a dream that I would have 2.5 kids and a husband as well.  That did not really pan out for me yet.  But the nature of my dreams has changed.  I want to adopt probably.  If you really ask me I want to adopt an adult and put him or her through college.  I used to laugh at that, but just as I wrote it, it has occurred to me that I could do such a thing.  I mean not right at this minute, I don’t happen to have a million trillion dollars or whatever it costs to pay for college these days.  But maybe someday.

Maybe someday.  How often do you say that?  What does that mean?

Are you going to do anything about it, or are you just going to sit here and wonder if it is going to happen for you?  I’m talking to myself as much as I’m talking to you.

What are we going to do to get this party started?  Whatever party it is, a dream is like planning your own surprise party. 

I’m surprised when a dream of mine comes true.  I usually have a party in my head.  Even if I’m the one who has to plan the party.

Many of my dreams have come true…I don’t want to name them off.  That’s kind of boring.  Just trust me on that one. I have many thoughts about my dreams that I haven’t even shared yet. 

Are you afraid of your thoughts?

Are you afraid of Virginia Woolf?  Just kidding. 

The thought is that the thought is not the thing. 

What exactly is a thought?  I mean I can’t see it.  In fact it doesn’t exist unless I want it to.  I’m thinking about my thoughts and no thoughtful thought is arising.  Oh come on; let’s play with words for a moment shall we?

A friend of mine recently told me that I am teaching her how to be.  Just be. 

Let it be, let it be, let it be…whisper words of wisdom let it be…

I mean I’m not entirely sure what it means to be.  But I think I can do it, and do it well.

I don’t have to constantly be doing things.  I can stare out into space; I can sit with myself.  I’m not afraid of stillness.

 Trust me it’s not because I’m some kind of Zen master, I am not. 

I’m just a girl.

A woman actually.  A woman who knows that there is peace, somewhere.  I find it, sometimes.  I look for it, everywhere. 

Look I’m aware that I’m lucky to be alive considering some of the stunts I’ve pulled in my day.  Either way I’m sitting pretty, I live in abundance.  And I still want more.

What is it that I want? 

I want unconditional love.  I want that from myself and from everyone. Unfortunately love does not work that way.  Just because I give it does not mean I receive it.  Let’s be clear:  I am not sure that I’m giving everyone around me unconditional love.

I want to.  I dream about it.  I try to.

That’s the best I can do.  We are all doing the best we can. 

I mean I wish I could fly too.  But we don’t always get what we want.  But a girl can dream.

nina

Image courtesy of Serge Bertasius Photography/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net