The gods must be crazy...

Let's say god is a dude. When I say dude I'm actually not implying male 'cause I call my gal pals dude as well. 

So let's say she's a dude. A relatively cool dude. Perhaps I shouldn't use the word dude when addressing god. But I will anyways.

I was told by a former friend of mine to stop using bullshit words like ain't in my blog.  She said it essentially made me sound stupid.

Maybe I am stupid.

I know one thing though, if I want to talk like a regular person I ain't afraid of looking dumb. I'm not that insecure about my intelligence.

Anyways, so the dude, the big dude, the one, the only, the magnificent is actually real in my eyes.

People have told me that perhaps I need god to feel secure, that it's a crutch and there is no god. I respect that opinion. I think I do need it, but I don't think it is unreal. That is my humble opinion.

Having said that I think our understanding of god is unreal. We don't think of him like a dude, like he's accessible. Like a gal pal.

My god is my friend. 

What does that mean you ask? I talk to god as if I would talk to one of my besties. I don't address him as Sir and watch my p's and q's.

I also don't blame god for shit. The weather is bad today because I chose to live in the midwest, not because god is trying to torture me. Most of the things that go wrong in my life are man made or woman made I should say.  

And I believe in karma, so the stuff I can't explain like having a chemical imbalance in my brain, I cough up to karma. I mean I don't think I was some kind of villain in a past life, but maybe I made mistakes.

I don't know.  It's all conjecture at this point and hardly matters. Now matters.

So back to the goddess. I like to think she's a badass. yes, i used that word to describe god.   

I like to think god is like kinda human-ish. Of course I'm totally wrong, he's not as twisted as we are. I used to think he was just as messed up as the rest of us and that was why the world was in this state. But it has occurred to me that he would say he gave us total free will and the reason stuff sucks is because we in fact created the mess and he promised not to interfere. 

So I tend to think that god doesn't suck. But the real question is, what is my relationship to god? 

When I meditate I feel like I'm meditating to a force of love, of unconditional love. In fact many times I'm elated when and after I meditate. 

I feel joy and bliss when I think about my connection to the universe. I don't think of god as judging me, I judge myself. I'm the biggest judger of them all, she is not.

I don't think goddess is ever mad at me. I in fact get mad at her sometimes. Truly you only really get angry at the ones you love.

i love god.

We all kind of know that god loves us, but it's a remote sort of knowledge. How do you actually feel that love?

I think that being present in the moment is loving. What I mean by that is if you love these moments that are essentially a gift from god, and you live in this moment and not another one, you will feel love.

Why you ask?

I don't know, it just works out that way for me. If I am here and present, and not stuck in some problem of the past or future, I'm free.

What does being free have to do with god?

Everything. Free will is our biggest gift. We can do whatever the hell we want and we shall reap the results of what we do. 

I know, I know, I'm a hippie and when I say that love is all there is you might roll your eyes. Love is all there is. 

We came here to love. Each other and the whole creation.

You know what I will say next: god is love.

i am love.

I don't even know you, but I might love you if I got to know you.

So I think if you are wondering if you are doing right by god, just love someone or something with all of you. Don't hold back.

Yes, you might get hurt. Do it anyways.

It's the only thing worth doing.

nina