No New Commitments

I decided to continue with this blog, even though I promised I would continue over a year ago.  I suppose this means I have no discipline or whatever.  I'm not exactly OK with that, but somehow it doesn't bother me that much.  Should it bother me?

I will make resolutions this time like I want to be a better person, or lose weight or blah, blah, blah.  By the way I do want all those things, I just don't think they are gonna happen by promising on a blog.  I think the only thing that is accomplished with keeping a blog is catharsis.

So it's Christmas morning!  Wow, I'm not excited.  To someone who really is not that Christian Christmas morning means that everything is closed.  I did celebrate, sort of, with my family.  We didn't trade merchandise though.  We ate Thai food.  Now I have heart burn.

I always wonder how I should feel on Christmas when my family hardly celebrates it.  Should we celebrate another religion's holiday?  Why not?  It could mean gifts.

It could also mean that I would have had to spend all of my extra money, of which I have very little at the moment, on gifts for other people.  This could be a good practice giving or whatever, but come on, what are the chances that people are gonna get you things that you want?  I know it sounds selfish and crude but I like the fact that I can spend money on myself during Christmas.

I don't know if this makes me more or less materialistic than the rest of the world.  I don't know if it's really a contest.  

So this Christmas I got myself those knee high boots I always wanted and I will, shortly after Christmas, get myself some kind of Kindle thingy 'cause I like books.  Baby Jesus was not involved in any of these purchases.

Yet there is something cold and unfeeling and unspirited about the way I am handling Christmas.  I mean I should do something good....I have friends who get toys for underprivledged children.  It never occurs to me to do things like that.

I want to be that person, that person who cares about people that I don't even know.  I was gonna go see a movie this Christmas Day.  I always wanted to volunteer at a women's shelter.  Maybe I'll call them today.  Maybe you have to create meaning in your own life, because no one else will do it for you.

I'm still gonna see a movie, maybe the one with Johnny Depp. But if I just make that one phone call, not committing myself, for god's sake, then maybe well maybe I'll remember this day.

Christmas was the day I realized that I need to care more.  That's cheesy as hell.  But sometimes the truth is.

nina